A different view

[Shoshi Ana]

((Lol love the bit about Ana being rude, stubborn and annoying))

Ana looked to the ground and took in some deep breaths quietly to herself. She could feel her throat going dry, her breath catching, her lunges tightening and she cringed. Her hands held onto her arms tighter and she clenched her teeth shut as she closed her eyes again. Why was he so cruel, why was he being cruel and saying these things. She didn’t have anything to say to him, she didn’t know how to make him feel better and herself at the same time, she couldn’t do it. She wasn’t going to try and waste the energy she didn’t have on something that might not work.

A tear escaped Ana’s closed eyes as she opened them to stop the burning of them. But they didn’t stop, they brunt her eyes and her skin as they fell down her face. She looked up seeing her reflection in the window and watched the tears falling down her face. She held onto her arms tighter and clenched her jaw shut to stop herself from crying loudly. Her lunges tightened and she found it hard to breath each breath smaller and shorter than the last one. Her eyes drew onto the floor.

Why was he bring so cruel, why was he saying such cruel things, who was he trying to convince, himself or Ana? She took in a deep breath to control herself and looked up turning her head a little to the side and spoke, it was soft and small, she was trying to keep her voice level and not crack.

“You are so stupid…” she paused “Really stupid. Love is not something you know about, it is not something you can read on and know, its different, free always changing… and your not selfish and your not always angry…” she paused again and looked head seeing herself in the window “You… you saved my life, several times, you… I mean… you stoped those men, that saved me and several other people… no your not selfish at all…” she said and had to stop there because she could feel her bottom lip tremble.

It was worth a try, trying to make one person feel better, maybe she could open his eyes to something, who knew what but something. She knew this would not make her feel better but if he could feel better than that was good enough, and she was so good at making people feel better.

[turashonogomi]

“You are so stupid…”

Turasho turned, the patio was about a foot taller than Turasho so he was looking up at her, his eyes wide, what was she saying?! He blinked, his mouth open just slightly.

" Love is not something you know about, it is not something you can read on and know, its different, free always changing "

Turasho's life was all about reading, learning, training, everything he knew he learned from a book, from another person. That's why he was so hard with emotions, he was still a little bit confused on the whole 'love' thing. What was love? He had never really felt it. Never. Not even a parent-child love.

" it is not something you can read on and know"

He stood there, his face sad, like he had just been abused or something. He closed his eyes. Then reopened them and looked at Ana, she was so beautiful, he felt like Romeo sitting at Juliet's window trying to make her love him.

" That's your problem..." he replied, for some reason he could see right through her, " your trying to make one person feel better, your so selfless, and that's why you hurt so bad right now... your so good at making others feel happy, giving someone else what they want."

He flashed away and flashed near Ana. He stood in front of her and then placed his cold hand on the side of her face, using his thumb to wipe away a stray tear.

" Your so busy making others feel special and important and loved..." he placed his forehead lightly on her, whispering the rest, " you never have time to make yourself feel special and important and loved..."

[Shoshi Ana]

Ana stood there watching her own reflection before she looked to the ground and closed her eyes. Why did she always have to cry, just once she wanted to know what having no emotion felt like, what being hollow was like. But that would never happen, not even when she was long gone, she would always some part of what was left of her would always feel something, she was doomed to have human emotions forever.

A small smile crossed Ana’s face before her frown grew again, gosh if only she was deaf she could just block out his words, block it all out, make it all go away. She opened her eyes watching the ground, holding herself together rather well. No weeping came from her, sure she was crying inside, her heart beating against her chest faster and faster, she could hear her pulse in her ears as it started to give her a head ache. She didn’t want to look up in case the world was spinning around and around.

She was not sure if being selfless was a good thing or not, she had always put someone else before her, most of the time, sometimes, normally when she was around Ichigo she put herself first before he got into trouble that was. She was the oldest, she had to make her siblings happy, all the time, she had to listen to problems, that was what she was for, she was good at it because she was the oldest, she was like the mother, she hated it.

Ana almost jumped backwards as Turasho’s cold hand touched her face, it was so unexpected she turned her head a little like his skin was burning at her skin but she didn’t pull away, she just stood there, her eyes looking down. Turasho’s whisper breaking through the heart beat in her ears. She held herself her nails digging into her arm. How was she suppose to look after herself when she had so many people to look after. Her teeth clenched, she didn’t know how, she did she just didn’t know how to make herself feel better right now.

She didn’t say anything, she didn’t move, she didn’t look up to him she just looked down, keeping her eyes on the ground trying to think of something to say, trying to push through the emotions to think of something to say but nothing was coming yet, nothing crossed her mind but thoughts and feelings.

Her eyes looked up to him, she had to say something “I can’t… I can’t make myself feel like that Turasho… I… I just….” She blinked what was she suppose to say, she was suppose to make him feel special and loved and happy, she couldn’t say that so she just kept her mouth shut looking back to the ground.

[turashonogomi]

Turasho almost sighed, he didn't think he would have to use this but he decided that now would be the best time. His old teacher had trained him to use a physic kind of bond that most bounto's use to injure an opponents mind. But he would use it for something a bit more useful in this situation.

He placed both hands on her face, making her face look into his, he didn't smile. " Shhh," he hissed softly. Closing his eyes, he cleaned his mind, cleaned his mind of his own worry, his own trouble, even of his love for Ana. His eyes reopened a solid white, " Look at me, look at me and see me, for what I am, for who I was, and for who I will be..." he said softly.

Then he saw his whole life, his creation, his childhood, his schooling, and his life as leader of the bounto. He didn't understand his future though, why was he standing in front of hundreds of people? But he didn't question. He transferred all those memories to Ana, even the dark ones, they were little flashes of what has happened and what is soon to come.

When he closed his eyes again, the pictures stopped. He opened his eyes again and smiled, " after all the pain and suffering, the loses and gains..." he said, " who is always by my side?" And Turasho was right, even in the picture were he was standing and older man around 30, he wore traditional robes and carried a sword, he stood in front of many people, a symbol of hope, Standing next to him was Ana. Still beautiful, still strong and stubborn and motherly. After all the pain of the future, she was there, she was their because he loved her. And behind a very great man, is an even greater woman.

Turasho's smile was the same as in the future him and as he looked at her he lightly ran his hand on her cheek, " please... let me help... don't take all this pain on yourself, Look at me and you'll see a man who is unsure of his feelings, but he knows they are there, and they are strong. They always will be, but you have to let me help... don't stress yourself out. Even if you take care of everybody else, at least let me take care of you..."

[Shoshi Ana]

Ana kept her eyes on the ground. She was so confused. Her stupid emotions, the actions of the past, the situation before her… she was so tired. She wanted to sleep, she wanted to rest but she couldn’t because she was awake and she just didn’t want to sleep. How was she supposed to sleep when she had so much on her mind, when she had a problem facing her.

Ana swallowed. That was it she had to do something, either walk away or try make some form of conversation, though walking away seemed much easier than trying to have a conversation with someone who had just killed several people in front of her, saved her life and then told her she was a huge pain, so to speak. She bit her bottom lip as Turasho hushed her, she wasn’t really saying anything but it was a habit to bite her lip when someone told her to be quiet or tried to hush her.

Her eyes looked up to Turasho, drifting slowly off the ground and up to his only she saw those white eyes. Great was he about to try eat her again? Though this was different so she didn’t think he would try eat her. Not from what he said or how he was acting. Ana blinked and frowned a little, what was she suppose to be seeing exactly? Then it hit her, like something in her mind had been shattered, like someone had broken through an invisible barrier and her eyes widened for a moment before they squinted. It was like several things suddenly flowed into her mind and she opened her mouth to gasp in shock but also scream from pain and fear, but nothing came from her mouth, she just took in a breath of air before her hand raised to her forehead and she took a step backwards closing her eyes tightly. If this was a vision it was not like anything she had ever received before.

Her eyes opened though closed and then opened again as if she was trying to blink something away. She could hear Turasho’s voice trail just over everything else as flash over flash, new scene over new scene kept filling her mind, pressing to her eyes, to the front of her thoughts. She clenched her teeth, why was she seeing all of this, it was like Turasho’s life was played out in her mind, yet she didn’t understand how that was possible. There were so many things, so many stories and actions, pain and suffering, some joy and happiness from time to time.

Again he started to talk about something important she could tell. She was listening but she wasn’t, she heard him but nothing was registering but it was. A tear fell down her face before she clenched her teeth shut her hand holding her head more before she put a hand on Turasho’s chest and pushed him away, he was too close, she couldn’t breath, she could see his figure, him before her but the scenes in her mind were drowning out the rest of her vision. Though no matter what she saw she kept seeing herself. Gosh Turasho had such a life, so much struggle, that’s all she saw, struggle after struggle, he was lost, confused, she almost felt emotions run over her body with every new memory and then slowly they stopped, they left, they went somewhere leaving her mind blank. What was he trying to prove… did he want her to see his past, bits of a confused future, what was it he wanted her to see. All she felt was more sadness, more pain, she felt more alone than before, dam it why had he done that. She gasped for air, how did he survive? Her eyes blinked several times, no, he was a lot, a lot stronger than she had thought he was.

[turashonogomi]

Turasho felt her hand push him away, he took a couple steps back before his back hit the railing of the porch. He looked down, letting his hair fall in front of his face. He didn't say anything, why was everything he did wrong? Why couldn't he just be... normal...

He didn't look at Ana, he didn't even think about it, he turned away from her and walked across the patio and down the steps into the grass. He then walked, just walked away. It was how he acted he got away from things he couldn't understand, Ana's emotions were one of them. He tried to help and she had pushed him away. He showed her that even through his life was one horrible memory after another, he made it, so should she. She just didn't understand, and at that moment he began to run.

He ran 'till he couldn't breath and his feet hurt, but he was somewhere familiar. He knew he was alive, but he felt cold, dead. He caught his breath before he slowly turned on the dirt road. He then felt a shadowed darkness surround him. He tried to stay warm but only got colder. Sitting in front of him was that painful memory from his childhood. All it was now was ashes and rubble, but sitting there was his life, at least the side of him that was full of emotion. It hurt so bad to look at it. It was his whole reason why he wanted peace between the Shinigami and the Bounto, all his life's work, his training, and his only father-figure.

He stood there and just stared at it for a second before taking slow steps, he had to get over his past and look to the future, whatever it was. He knelt down and scooped up some of the ashes into his hand, letting the ashes flow through his hands.

[Shoshi Ana]

Ana blinked over and over. She was looking to the ground frowning. She had no idea Turasho had walked off on her and had left her on the patio alone. She shook her head a little and blinked before looking up and then fell onto her knees. Her hands were out before her on the ground so she didn’t fall over, as Turasho’s life flashed before her eyes coming and fading.

When it all finally stopped, the world around Ana was spinning. That had hurt a lot. She could still fell it eating away at her trying to burn into her body and brain and leave a mark on her. Well it had. As she closed her eyes trying to stop the world from spinning around she took in some slow deep breaths just to keep herself calm.

Within a few moments she was sitting on her legs and looked up. She cursed a word out loud and rubbed her head. Ok so she suddenly had seen her boy friends life before her. That was creepy. What made it all worse was Ana kept, had, seen herself beside him at every turn, both past and future. She saw him always get up and move on, she felt weak, hopeless, like she had no knowledge on death or life, on how to protect someone. Turasho. He had knowledge on that. He had gotten up when time had gotten bad for him, he had killed people and protected people, he had saved people’s lives, he’d pushed through the darkness and was still doing so… he seemed to never rest, his suffering seemed to never end.

Ana got to her feet and looked around. She had to find him before who knew he might do something stupid. Problem was, where was he or where would he be. She sighed and followed down the patio before walking along, she wanted to go to sleep but she had to find him first, she could not put herself first, not now.

She could do this, she just had to try look back on Turasho’s life, anything that happened here, some place he might be. She closed her eyes but quickly opened them again. No. She didn’t want to look back. Not yet. She’d keep walking and hopefully she’d find him, just get a feel of the town, hopefully when she crossed something it would be easier to focus on one memory which would make it easier to find him. She was not sure, she didn’t know what she was doing really. She just ran, dragging her feet after her, making sure they moved, looking down every path for any hint of Turasho.

[turashonogomi]

Turasho let his knees hit the ground as he scooped up the ashes, the wind picked up and they blew into the breeze. He looked up at the moon, he knew today would be hard. His childhood was hard, his whole life was hard. But he pushed on because he was going to be great. He had a feeling. He stood up but didn't notice that Ana was just around the corner of some bushes.

He kept his gaze on the moon and prayed, he prayed to whoever was listening. He was very quiet and soft, his voice calm. " Please, if anybody is listening, I need somebody to say this to..." he let some ash fall from his hand, " I really want somebody up there to protect her, I mean, I'm strong but I won't always be there and I don't want her hurt. I need somebody to tell gramps I'm sorry for yelling at him, and to Ming for being so mean to her when all she tried to do was love me. " he paused and dropped his head, " and for everything good, have somebody watch over that idiot Ichigo, his intentions are always good but, sometimes he trips and stuff. The guys clumsy. " he sighed, But most of all, please let Ana know that I love her."

He let all the ashes fall into the wind, " just help her understand that I'm a bit messed up and twisted and I'm not really sure what love is, or how to show it, or how to control myself. Help her understand that I want to be with her forever even if I make some stupid choices and bad mistakes. Let her guide me to something better that this miserable life I live, please, if nothing else, let her show me something better than this..."

[Shoshi Ana]

Ana looked around running in a circle before looking down some more alleyways and then sighed. Finally stopping. She rested her hands on her knees, how hard was it to find one person. Bloody hard that’s how hard it was, especially when that person just ran with unbelievable speed, it was crazy, Turasho was crazy, but he was who he was, Ana understood that, sometimes she forgot it. She closed her eyes taking in a few deep breaths and then looked up to the night air. She stood straight again and then walked around slowly, ok she had to stop running for the moment, take it a little easy.

She slowed down looking around and frowned, she felt like she knew this place but she didn’t, she’d never been here. Ah… stupid brain overloaded with facts. She gripped her head for a moment “how do I know this place?” she whispered under her breath and blinked a few times. She looked around and then took in a deep quick breath before letting it escape her.

Her eyes adjusted to the area as she frowned, how did Turasho know this place, was it a good memory or a bad one, because she didn’t know it so she guessed it was Turasho who knew it and seeing she’d just seen his entire past, or bits of it was currently confusing her in her own world and her own memorises. She looked at a bush and then looked over it hearing someone and blinked.

“Turasho?” she thought her head turning to the side. She watched him and folded her arms a little and smiled. She was glad he didn’t know she was there, or least she thought he thought she wasn’t there.

She wasn’t sure if she should show herself though she could not believe the things she heard him saying but then again she wasn’t suppose to hear this was she. He must have been in so much pain, why was he doubting himself, he had no reason to doubt himself, with all he had been through, was going through and would he should not doubt himself.

Ana bit her lip and then walked over “Turasho?” she asked quietly her arms folded behind her. She wasn’t sure what she’d do if he ran, maybe form a shield around him to make him stop or she’d just watch before she left. But she just watched him.

[turashonogomi]

Turasho felt another sharp breeze. It went right through him, making him more cold than he was earlier. The wind was like a needle, a constant reminder, ugh. He hated this place. He used to love it, it's beautiful house and cherry blossom trees. But when the Shinigami attacked, the house was destroyed and the trees burned down.

It was a grave for too many people. And a grave for Turasho's faults. He didn't notice Ana for awhile 'till she made a step and the sound of her feet was obvious. He didn't react until she said his name. He sighed, " you've been there the entire time haven't you?" he asked.

He didn't let her answer he just turned and took a step forward, he sighed. " Is it alright if I hug you?" he asked softly, his voice very mellow, he was calm. " If not that's fine..."